Maybe you are thinking that you are afraid to be alone and you don't know how you will move forward. Acknowledge the physical and mental aspects of your emotions. Practice self-compassion. Now that you have acknowledged and tuned into your feelings, it's time to validate what you're feeling by caring for yourself.
Why are breakups so painful?
Remember that it's okay to feel however you feel. Avoid beating yourself up or criticizing yourself for the way you feel. Say aloud what you're feeling and be okay with that. Remain in control. Don't let your emotions run the show. Even if we do not enjoy experiencing negative emotions, it is a natural part of being human. Feeling hurt, disappointed, rejected, or betrayed is absolutely acceptable. What is not acceptable is to use those emotions as fuel to perseverate hurt and pain. You might want to call your ex and beg to fix the relationship. Or, you may want to lash out in anger and betrayal.
Gain control of your emotions so that you do not act out in a way you may regret later. Try deep breathing. Inhale through your nose for about 4 counts. Hold the breath for a few counts and then slowly exhale through your mouth. Repeat this until you start to feel more relaxed and in control. Make sure that your actions align with your own goals and are not impulsive responses to being hurt. Express your emotions in healthy ways. Acknowledge and own the way you feel, and express those feelings in a healthy way.
Exercise is a great way to blow off steam and work through your anger or heartache.
Healing With Hurt Feelings
You can also journal about your feelings or draw something to illustrate your emotions. Treat yourself gently. When your body and mind are healthy, you are better equipped to deal with emotional trauma and stress. Make sure that you are getting adequate sleep at least 7 to 9 hours per night , eating healthy, balanced meals, getting physical activity, avoiding self-medicating with alcohol and drugs, as well as doing things that soothe you and help you manage stress. Use your pain for good. Brainstorm a way you can use your unfortunate circumstance to improve your own life or the lives of others.
There are tons of ways you can channel negative emotions into something positive. For example, you can use negative emotions to fuel creativity and problem-solving.
Healing Our Hurts: Coping with Difficult Emotions
When something bad has happened you are extremely motivated and equipped to think of solutions that can prevent the situation from happening again. You can also find ways to use the pain for good like sharing testimony to empower others or starting a nonprofit group to protect other survivors like yourself.
You can spread the word about the incident and educate others on how they can prevent such a thing from happening to them, like not texting and driving or not getting behind the wheel after drinking or when sleepy.
Request physical touch from others. Touch is the most basic form of communication that humans have. When you are reeling from heartbreak or betrayal, it can be incredibly comforting to be touched. Science tells us that touch provides emotional balance and can even lead to better health. Simply grab your child or loved one's hand and squeeze it tight. Visit a spa for an invigorating massage. Touching another person can provide an untapped source for healing. If the emotional pain you have experienced was caused by touch, you may not yet be ready for this step.
Use your judgment to determine if touch will heal or hurt depending on what you have gone through and how you are processing the pain. Find a support system. Try to overcome this instinct and instead move into a circle of supportive, positive people who can help you heal. A support system can be a natural one such as your family, a group of friends, or others who may have experienced a similar loss in their lives. It can feel awkward reaching out of help.
Choose someone who is usually supportive and positive. Now, instead of walking to the cupboard or opening a new tab in my browser, I stay put and take a deep breath. I skip the coping mechanism and refrain applying a new Band-Aid or replacing an old one. Even my thought processes are modified. When certain situations repeatedly elicited the kind of stress that requires a Band-Aid, I was forced to reconsider, at least to a certain extent, the choices I had been making in various areas of my life: my career path, other types of commitments, and even some relationships.
I realized I had too much on my plate and that I needed to respect my limits.
Accepting the fact that I indeed have limits was no small feat. I am proud of it. I am also unsettled. In spite of this, I am still fully committed to continue with my mindfulness practice. The cans of worms I am opening can be a handful, but I was carrying them anyway, and they were wearing me down. I choose to deal with them. Things might feel very raw, but they also feel very real. I can already sense a new level of lightness and freedom on the other side of this demanding exercise.
I invite you to give it a try too. As we move along in our mindfulness practice, I trust that we can all find our own sweet spot, the place where an increased awareness meets a renewed sense of well-being. For many, this will mean starting slow. Not only will it be too demanding, it might even backfire. Instead, simply find a quiet place where you can sit for at least five minutes, in silence, every day, and focus on the breath. You may feel uncomfortable at first, as the feelings you formerly numbed or avoided emerge.
When Julie is not busy peeling off her Band-Aids or contemplating the reasons why she put them on in the first place, she enjoys writing about health and wellness, and sharing slowly acquired and often misplaced pieces of wisdom.
When Mindfulness Hurts: Feeling Is the Key to Healing
You can find her blog at happinessdishbestsavouredhot. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.
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- Why the Pain of Divorce Is Hard to Get Over.
- How to Deal With Painful Emotions: True Healing Requires True Feeling - Thriveworks;
- Our Intense Identification With Emotional Wounding;
- How to Get Over Divorce.
- 100 Japanese Stencil Designs (Dover Pictorial Archive)!
As much as possible, no matter what. Love — self-love — transforms. This is how we create a safe place inside ourselves, to heal. I was also able to see how their death — by far the most tragic and transformative event in my life — has helped me grow into a more independent, compassionate, and loving man than I might have been otherwise.
And I hope that my resilience helps others to see that growth and healing are possible, regardless of circumstance. Staying there is even harder. It takes work. Hard, important, necessary work. It begins and ends in those painful truths we try to ignore, the ones so many of us have masterfully buried. The sooner we take out our shovels and start to dig, the sooner we invite into our lives a new kind of hope, a new taste of freedom.
For some, meditation works, or therapy, or yoga, or self-help books, or art. It comes down to figuring out what works for us and giving our intention and energy to it. The act of spilling my thoughts and feelings onto a page, whether or not that page is to be seen by others, offers me a powerful and important outlet for my darkness. I read books, listen to podcasts, and watch talks that inspire me to open up a little more, to dig a little deeper.
I engage in difficult conversations with my partner and family and friends to work through issues and to grow both personally and interpersonally. I connect with my social media communities, especially on Facebook, to share my experiences in an honest way with others who want to share their stories and work at creating the possibility of healing themselves. Sometimes I just melt into the sofa, lose myself in TV, and shovel chips and ice cream into my mouth.